It is our life's mission to find one soul mate. At least that's what we're shown in films and books - and I admit that "My Best Friend's Wedding", "Shakespeare in love" and "Sex and the City" are among my absolute favorite films and series (I even have the latter in watched on a continuous loop). In all of these films and series, the central theme is finding the one or the other. Have you already found your soulmate?
I too was committed to the mission of finding my soulmate and thought I had found him too. After 17 years of relationship and 12 years of marriage, I had to painfully admit to myself that this was not the case. My ex-husband was a life partner - a person who accompanied me for a very long time and with whom I experienced a lot. Ultimately, he will always be a part of my life because of our children, but towards the end of our relationship I felt it more and more clearly: he was not the love of my life, the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. This realization was terribly painful, but my desire for a fulfilling relationship was greater and gave me hope.
Fear of being alone
I've been alone again for over 1 1/2 years, at least that's how you would describe it in the social sense. Or separated, divorced...terms that are so emotionally charged that you don't want to associate them with yourself. To be honest, I spent most of the time after the breakup trying to escape being alone. Until the fear caught up with me and I had to deal with it. Why was I so afraid of being alone? It was the voices that scared me. Don't worry, it wasn't me who was close to madness, but rather the inner voices that are also called "beliefs".
“You’re not good enough.”
“You can’t do this.”
“You’re a failure.”
Those were still the halfway nice voices. My subconscious is a master of self-destruction. “How did you even come up with the idea of running a company?” or “Your whole attitude is too much, no one can love you”…no wonder I didn’t want to be alone with voices like that.
Why there is some truth to self-love
How did I get out of this cycle of destruction? By going into confrontation! I investigated these thoughts, usually found the cause somewhere in my childhood, and told myself it wasn't true. I opened my eyes and saw the reality: namely, that I was a great woman who positively influenced her life and the lives of others with her incredible creativity. And most importantly, I began to love myself by living my authentic self. It's not easy to just be who you are. Especially not in a world that wants to make you fit. But every time I stood up for myself and my needs, I loved myself a little more. The best thing about it was that I finally realized who around me also loved me for who I am.
About the lie of one soulmate
“I believe that there are many ONES in our lives,” I once said to a date and I am also firmly convinced of this. I realized that I no longer need to look for “the one soul mate”. By loving myself, I was suddenly able to see all the soulmates that were already in my life. Your soul mate is not just the person with whom you live in a fulfilling relationship. Your soulmate is the best friend with whom you talk on the phone for four hours and still have something to talk about afterwards. Your soulmate is the person who accepts your decision to continue an unhappy relationship even though it is wrong in their eyes.
Your soulmate is the best friend who cries for you because your marriage is broken. Your soulmate is the person who contacts you via thought transfer when you are not feeling well. Your soulmate is the best friend who starts singing Backstreet Boys with you without thinking.
Your soulmate is the best friend who supports you in every way possible to live your dream. How sad would our life be without all these soulmates? Luckily, we have many soul mates in our lives - and one of them is the person with whom we have a fulfilling relationship.